In the beginning...

Every hour. Every minute. Every second. The same dialogue going round and round and round:

What do I want to do?

When is the right time to start?

How am I meant to execute this?

Shoot, I don’t have enough money.

Dang, I feel so underprepared.

My confidence is so low.

Maybe I should get some experience first.

I keep getting rejected.

What if no one is interested in what I have to offer?

I guess I should find something else.

Growing up, I always enjoyed being creative. As my mum would say, “a piece of paper was never just a piece of paper for you”. Drawing, cutting, sticking, and folding. You best believe I would find a new purpose for that piece of paper.

I loved many other creative activities, such as knitting, crochet, embroidery, cross-stitch, oil pastels, painting, photography, filming, and editing, and the list could go on and on. So it was no surprise to anyone when I said that I wanted to get a degree in something artsy at a top art university. By the age of 15, I knew exactly which university I wanted to attend, and at 16, I knew which degree I wanted to pursue. Graphic Design.

To my excitement, I got accepted by my dream university and the course that I wanted. And four gruelling years later, I graduated with a degree in Graphic Design Communication.

I wish I could say that my experience was pleasant. Though there were certain elements here and there that weren’t too bad, it was no walk in the park and nothing like what I had dreamed of. I left university feeling defeated and uninspired. While others were off celebrating and already exploring their next opportunities, I took a flight to Brazil and wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with Graphic Design. My confidence was at rock bottom. I didn’t even feel like picking up a pencil and scribbling. It stayed this way for months.

So what changed?

Although I didn’t desire to work in graphic design (at least not for a long time), I still researched many other career paths I could take, inspired by other subjects and fields I was interested in, such as Maths, Languages, History, Food and Nutrition, Health and Wellbeing, etc. I eventually decided that, once I returned to London, I would study either Maths or Data Analytics and become a Data Analyst and/or Maths Tutor.

Feeling excited at the idea of starting something new, I shared my thoughts and rough plan with my boyfriend. He seemed enthusiastic at first, but I noticed a switch in his mannerisms as the conversation progressed. When I finished speaking, he asked if I would be okay with him saying something. Naturally, I said yes. Little did I know that what he would say would change the trajectory of my actions.

Kindly and respectfully, he said, “It’s great that you’re thinking of all of this, but I can’t help but feel like your calling is in the arts. I have the portrait you drew of me right here, and I can’t help but think that you are gifted. Not everyone can do what you do.”

I cried.

He continued, but I must admit, I was now lost in thought. You see, I identified in that moment that I had been running away from what was once pleasure for me. What once gave me joy was now tainted by pain and frustration, all because of an unfortunate series of events. So having someone tell me truthfully what they thought from a genuine place snapped something in me. How could I throw away something like that simply because I didn’t feel like I was on the same level as my peers?

That night, I stayed awake for hours pondering over everything. What my boyfriend had said. My experience at university. The things I want to achieve in the future. I couldn't escape the feeling that I had to go back. I couldn’t run from what was naturally a part of me. I am creative. I am artistic. I do have a gift for art and design. And I must snap out of the idea that I have to kickstart my career with everything looking perfect and my skills already mastered. Impossible. If I wanted to get out of the lifestyle I was in (no job, no money, constant rejections) then I would build the opportunity for myself. But this time, I’d be kind to myself. Not beating myself up with comparison and perfectionism. I would learn to embrace making mistakes, trying over and over again until I got it right, enjoy the thrill of watching my skills develop and look forward to seeing the progress I would make.

One thing was for sure, I couldn’t wait for the ‘perfect time’. In the words of Nike, I had to “JUST DO IT!”

And so what if I don’t have all the resources? Some of the largest companies and brands today started from the humblest of beginnings (e.g. Amazon (garage bookstore), Apple (garage), Google (garage), Microsoft (garage), Nike (sold from a car trunk), Disney (uncle's garage).)

So here I am. I don’t necessarily know what I am doing. But I am doing something.

I’m excited to see how this develops.

Love,

me.

Note to self: maybe I should get a garage…